I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
