just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
