There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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