lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
