but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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