Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
