Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
