Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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