Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
