I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
