I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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