the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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