Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
