I'm really into asian looking animals
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
