So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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