What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
