apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
