Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In other news, I just burned my penis
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
