We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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