I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
not ubering you a puppy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
