Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
