Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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