It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
