if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
bring money and cleavage
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
