i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
