Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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