I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
