I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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