paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
