Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
