Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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