my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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