she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
