Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
