You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
