I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize