And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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