Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
