i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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