Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
