i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
