This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YAS. BRING CRAB.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
