just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
