mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
