i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
