my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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