Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
