Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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