just tell him i said nine months
People in love make me want to vomit
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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