I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
