I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
