well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
