I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
