I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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