So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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