I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
