How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
