Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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