he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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