You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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