yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize