The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
