Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
