Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
