I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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