i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
