So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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