Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize