Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize