then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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